


Just This Once

by Anonymous



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Pre-Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-16 05:49:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: What could be the harm in indulging himself just this once? Just one time, to hopefully get it out of his system for good.





	Just This Once

**Author's Note:**

> I have never read the books, so please don't come at me if I portray something inaccurately that is strictly to do with the books.

The mundane girl was undeniably lovely. She had wavy blonde hair that fell nearly to her tiny waist, large blue eyes, and a cute smattering of freckles across her nose. She wore a tight dress that was no doubt designed to show off her pert breasts. The way she was eyeing Alec should have sent his heart racing instead of making him feel unsettled. It didn’t help that Jace was peering at them from the bar, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Alec grinned hollowly at him and turned his attention back to her, determined to go through the motions until Jace was occupied with something _other_ than trying to get him laid.

“Can I, uh, buy you a drink?” He practically had to shout over the loud, obnoxious music, trying frantically to remember her name and failing.

The bar they were in was relatively small, and seedy. Alec had only agreed to come with Jace if they compromised on not going to a club. He regretted that now. The dance floor was still crowded.

She leaned close enough that she could be heard without having to shout, touching his elbow gently. She smelled faintly of roses. “That’d be great. I’ll have a sidecar.”

Alec wended his way over to the bar after she’d seated herself at a nearby table, feeling slightly ill. Jace beckoned him over eagerly, signaling the bartender. He mumbled out his order and leaned next to Jace as her drink was mixed, trying not to flinch when Jace clapped him heartily on the back. “Holy shit, you pulled the hottest girl in the place! Think you’re gonna score?”

“Pretty sure, yeah,” he said, trying to sound suitably enthusiastic and bro-y.

Jace frowned. “Don’t be nervous, man. I can tell even from here that she’s into you.”

“I’m not nervous,” he lied. “I just don’t know if this is right, her being a mundane and all. What if…” he trailed off, unable to think of a reasonable excuse.

“It’s just a one night thing, right? So, it’s not gonna hurt anybody. Well, not physically anyway.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“You know it! Here, they’re on me.” Jace threw down a few bills when the bartender pushed the drinks over, waving away Alec’s protest. “You need to loosen up a little, brother. You’re driving everyone insane, no offense. It’s okay to let yourself have some fun that _doesn’t_ involve slaughtering demons.”

Alec shushed him harshly and grabbed the drinks, escaping to the table where the mundane was waiting, twirling her hair around her finger in a way that was undoubtedly meant to be seductive.

He settled next to her, gulping heavily from his beer while she sipped her drink daintily. No appropriate line of conversation sprang to mind, so he made no attempt at conversation whatsoever.

“Sooo, Alec, are you in school?” the girl inquired when the silence had stretched past the point of comfort.

“Umm, yeah. NYU,” he lied, knee jiggling restlessly under the table. “What about you?” he asked, before she could ask what his major was. He didn’t know if he could maintain such a boring lie.

His mind drifted as she launched into a long-winded explanation of her studies. Alec noticed with relief that Jace was making his way to the dance floor, slipping effortlessly through the writhing bodies in search of a partner. A familiar ember of jealousy burned unpleasantly in Alec’s stomach and his hand clenched too tightly around the beer bottle. He let go before it shattered, dropping his hands safely into his lap instead.

The mundane abruptly stopped talking, noticing where his attention had been diverted to. “Do you wanna dance?” she asked brightly.

“What? No, I’m good.”

She huffed in frustration but scooted closer anyway, until their thighs were nearly touching. “Why don’t we head to my place then? My roommate’s gone for the weekend.”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans. “I don’t feel too well.” That, at least, was true.

“I can make you feel better,” she whispered, throwing subtly to the wind and leaning in for a kiss while running her hand up the inside of his thigh.

He jerked away before her lips could meet his, standing so abruptly he almost toppled his chair over in his haste to escape. “I-I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t. Excuse me.” He pushed rudely through the crowd to get to men’s room, ignoring the profanity-laced insults she shouted at his back.

The bathroom was mercifully empty, and he allowed himself to hunch over one of the grimy sinks, turning the tap with shaking hands and throwing cold water on his face. He breathed deeply, trying not to hyperventilate, ashamed of his sudden, irrational burst of anxiety. He never should have agreed to come at all, but Jace had been so eager, and Alec had never been good at denying him anything.

The door to the bathroom creaked open and Alec promptly whipped around and locked himself into one of the stalls–he wasn’t ready to face the mundane girl or Jace again. He sat heavily on the toilet seat and buried his face in his hands as loud, obnoxious laughter echoed through bathroom.

Even after the door had opened and closed again, plunging the bathroom into silence once more, he didn’t rise. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. As he sat there for an indeterminate amount of time, a terrible fear crept in: did Jace suspect how Alec felt about him? Was that why he kept trying to hook him up with women? Or maybe he didn’t know how Alec felt but knew he was different and was attempting to make him normal. Alec’s mind flinched away from that possibility immediately. It didn’t bear thinking about.

When he’d calmed somewhat and was preparing himself mentally to go back out there and come up with a decent excuse for leaving, Jace texted him.

_where are you guys?_

Alec’s thumbs hovered over the screen indecisively. He could tell Jace that he was sick, but then he’d probably try to be a good _parabatai_ and insist on helping Alec home. Jace didn't deserve having his fun spoiled because of Alec’s issues.

_Going to her place,_ he lied, typing quickly before he could change his mind, hoping Jace wouldn’t spot her later. _Won’t be back until late._

_for real? sweet!! prob wont be back til tomrw myself._

Alec flushed with anger at the thought of Jace taking some random mundane home. He knew it was unreasonable. Jace wasn’t like… how Alec was. And even if he had been, a romantic relationship between _parabatais_ was unheard of; forbidden. None of those very logical reasonings quelled Alec’s jealousy; they only made him feel hopeless. Alec sat on the toilet seat for a while longer, allowing himself a rare opportunity to wallow in self-pity. When almost ten minutes had passed, and he’d managed to regulate his breathing, he figured it was safe to leave.

Still wholly preoccupied with his gloomy thoughts, he veered straight into someone passing just outside the door. The shorter man stumbled backwards, spilling his luridly colored cocktail all over himself. Alec reached out and steadied him automatically, apologizing profusely.

The man, who was wearing a flamboyant black and gold suit complimented by ink-black hair and smoky eye shadow, stared up at Alec indignantly through coal-rimmed brown eyes. Alec’s heart leapt into his throat, troubles fading into the background for a moment as he took the man in with a swift look from head to toe. In spite of his eccentric getup, he was absolutely gorgeous.

Alec, realizing he was still grasping the man’s shoulders, released him, smoothing down the creases he’d made in the rich fabric. “I really am sorry. Let me buy you another drink.”

“That won’t be necessary. It was entirely my fault for walking so close to the door,” the man said, looking Alec over with interest.

The man stilled suddenly, gaze having fallen upon the rune on Alec’s neck, eyes narrowing with suspicion. Alec tensed, ready for a fight and internally cursing his lack of a weapon.

Watching Alec closely, the man lifted his hand and snapped his fingers briskly. A spark of bright magic flared between them, and the man’s shirt was suddenly dry again, the empty martini glass in his hand vanishing.

Alec gaped at him stupidly. “You’re a–”

“Warlock, yes. Now, pray tell me what you are doing here Nephilim.” There was an undeniable iciness to his voice. “Investigating my fellow Downworlders, I presume?”

“N-no! I’m not here on business, just…”

“Pleasure?” The warlock smirked in an almost unkind manner.

Alec blushed, shrugging. “That was the original plan.”

The warlock’s expression slowly thawed at Alec’s obvious discomfort, seeming to read the truth in his self-conscious demeanor. “Then it appears that we’re here for the same reason,” he said, sounding noticeably more friendly. He held out a heavily be-ringed hand, lacquered nails glimmering in the low light, and Alec shook it. The warlock’s grip was so light that it felt more like a caress. Alec snatched his hand back quickly. “I apologize if I seemed mistrustful, but our kind don’t usually bump into one another coincidentally. Let alone spill something _other_ than blood on my suits.”

Alec’s mouth wavered between a smile and a frown at the attempted levity. “I really am sorry about that.”

“Please, no more apologies between us,” the warlock insisted. “Now tell me, do you have a name? I have no problem continuing to call you Nephilim, if you prefer. It wouldn’t be the strangest kink I’ve come across.”

Alec blanched at the teasing. “No! I’m Alec. And I prefer to be called by my name,” he added hurriedly.

The warlock’s eyes glittered with amusement. “Short for Alexander?” Alec nodded. “I’ll call you that then. I’m Magnus.”

“As in _Bane_?” Alec asked, startled.

“The one and only. Is that an issue?”

“Not at all,” he rushed to say, unsure if it was actually true. “You’re just… not how I pictured.”

“That would imply you’ve bothered to picture me before.”

Alec shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Just stupid, kids stories.”

”Now, you’ve made me curious. How exactly did you picture me?”

“A lot older, I guess. Dressed more, um, conservatively.”

“While there’s no denying that I’m old, my fashion sense has not paid the price,” Magnus said, waving his hand dismissively. “But my dress sense is hardly something children would find thrilling.”

He looked at Alec expectantly, until the truth came spilling out. “We imagined you with, you know, long, sharp nails, red eyes and horns and stuff. And there _was_ a suit, but it was really old and singed.”

Magnus laughed uproariously, causing people to whip around in alarm. “So you basically pictured me as the devil?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” Alec said, slightly mortified.

When Magnus’s mirth had abated, he wiped his eyes with a handkerchief that seemed to appear out of nowhere. “I don’t mean to mock you, Alexander.”

It was strange hearing his full name from Magnus’s lips. A small shiver worked through him that couldn’t be called unpleasant. “I understand. It was really silly,” he said quietly.

Magnus surveyed Alec thoughtfully for a moment. “Is the offer of a drink still on the table?”

“Sure,” Alec said, surprised at this change of heart, but glad for the continued distraction from his troubles.

They settled in at the bar together, Alec glancing around surreptitiously to make sure Jace was truly gone, and Magnus ordered for both of them despite Alec’s initial offer. The drinks were delicate and rather girly. Alec was a bit embarrassed to be seen holding one, but he didn’t want to appear ungrateful, so he sipped it lightly, cringing at the strong alcoholic flavor.

“I’m not much of a drinker, usually,” he said, noticing Magnus’s raised eyebrow.

“Then you clearly haven't met the right drink yet,” Magnus countered, sipping his comfortably.

“I like to keep my wits about me.”

“That’s wise. After all, who knows when some pesky Downworlder may come along and try to defile you?”

Alec chuckled half-heartedly, stomach lurching. Was he being flirted with? He had no idea to respond to such a thing.

“I must admit, I’m surprised to see a Shadowhunter alone,” Magnus said before they could fall into uncomfortable silence, “even if you _are_ just here for fun. Your kind usually travel in packs, not unlike werewolves.”

Alec snorted at the comparison. “I came with a friend, but he went home with someone.” The words tasted sour in his mouth, and there was suddenly an unpleasant lump in his throat. He took a loud slurp of his drink, coughing a little as it went down.

Magnus was looking at him now in a way that made Alec feel intensely exposed, like he was seeing past all of his poorly crafted facades, straight to the heart of him. The scary part was that Alec had no idea what he saw. Someone who was severely broken on the inside, probably.

“They chose someone else when they could have had you?” Magnus asked. “That displays very poor taste.”

No, Alec couldn’t have misunderstood. Magnus was definitely flirting with him. It seemed unreal. In the dark hours of the night, he had often daydreamed shamefully about such things, never believing it was something he would be allowed to experience. Yet, here he was, seated next to this handsome, perplexing warlock, who seemed to find Alec appealing in some inexplicable way.

“I- uh, our relationship could never have been like that, but, uh, thanks,” he stuttered out.

“No need to be bashful,” Magnus said. “You’re very pretty, for one of your kind, you know.”

Alec nearly choked on his drink, unsure whether to be offended or flattered. “Not like you,” he said unthinkingly, reddening when the words passed his lips.

Magnus smiled hugely, clearly flattered, and Alec found it impossible to resist returning it just a little. The tense knot in his stomach easing somewhat.

Still holding his gaze, Magnus reached out slowly, like Alec was an easily spooked animal, settling his hand gently over Alec’s, thumb brushing absently over his knuckles. “Now, I don’t mean to brag, but I usually consider myself a master in the art of seduction. However-”

Alec snorted, interrupting him. “You definitely mean to."

“ _However_ ,” Magnus continued, corners of his eyes crinkling with suppressed laughter, “it’s getting rather late, and I have some appointments early tomorrow morning that must be kept, so I’m not really in the mood for playing games. I’d like to know if you’ll come home with me.”

Alec’s entire body flushed with heat and he looked down at where their hands touched, feeling bizarrely detached from his body. Could this really be happening? He peeked at Magnus from beneath his lashes and found that he was gazing at him with brazen desire. Alec licked his suddenly dry lips. He knew he shouldn’t do this, not only because Magnus was a man, but also a warlock and a complete stranger with who knew what motivations of his own. But if Alec declined, he might very well lose his only chance to be with another man intimately. What could be the harm in indulging himself just this once? Just one time to get it out of his system for good.

“I want to,” he confessed.

Magnus grinned, a pleased catlike thing. He stood and gestured for Alec to follow him, leaving their partially drunk martinis sweating on the bar.

They headed outside, the crisp autumn air refreshing on Alec’s too-hot face. Magnus opened a portal with a rather unnecessary amount of flair in Alec’s opinion and stepped aside for him to enter first. Alec hesitated, squinting against the sudden burst of light.

“We're not going to a different country, are we?” he asked nervously.

Magnus looked deeply amused. “As magnificent a time as that would be, I currently live here in New York. If you’re afraid of me, perhaps we’d better leave things here.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Alec denied, which was mostly true. He wasn’t afraid that Magnus would harm him, even though he knew he should have been. What truly scared him was finally getting the chance to explore his long-repressed desires, but there was an eagerness there, too. He also shuddered to think what would his mother say if she knew he was about to step through a portal with a largely unknown warlock. Or _any_ warlock…

Magnus held out his hand and Alec took it, ignoring the logical part of his brain, which was screaming at him to stop, for the first time in many years.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be smut in the next chapter. Way too many words of it, honestly. *shakes head sadly at self*


End file.
